Be Brave and ditch the ‘sexy’ Halloween costume for 2012

Walking around one of Manchester’s most prominent fancy dress shops recently I was horrified at the outfits it had to offer. It’s not that the stock was scarce or anything, its just that with all the lycra nurse outfits that look as though they would only just fit a child, I felt a little as though I’d accidentally stepped into Ann Summers or a nursery – two words which should not be included in the same sentence.  I’m not sure why I was surprised by this fact as every Halloween the streets are lined with girls wearing next to nothing, stumbling through the streets in their sky high heels and getting called sluts by other women and slags by the very men who objectify them. I’m not saying this from some sort of moral high horse or a convent, I too have succumbed to the skimpy outfits year on year. I’ve sported the devil get up, wearing frilly knickers and netted knee high’s, I’ve been a slutty pirate  and a police officer, although on this occasion I was criticised by some friends for not dressing slutty enough!

Despite the fact that those are just large frilly knickers, this outfit of mine was probably still quite low down on the Slut Scale

Whilst lads get the opportunity to be something scary, political or funny such as  Freddy Kruger, Tony Blair or a Magic Bus (yep, I saw someone dressed up as a big blue bus one year) we women get to be a sexy nurse, a fallen angel or a sultry vampire.

This is exactly why I am asking you to join me in making a stand! I don’t know about you but I’m getting sick of shivering at the bus stop in my underwear every year and getting honked at by strange men passing by. I want to be creative for once and show the world that I am an intelligent human being with interests and a sense of humour.

This will be my first Halloween as a blonde and so at the start of the month I decided it would only be appropriate to invest in a yellow biker suit like the one my idol Uma Thurman wears in the amazing Kill Bill. Even purchasing this outfit turned out to be a challenge as the majority of women’s costumes in this style have been fetishised and are made from PVC or Latex – which, despite popular opinion is nothing like what Uma Thurman wore in the actual movie. Eventually I decided to settle for the Bruce Lee version in a small size. See, you have to dress like a man in order to find an outfit which doesn’t count as slutty! Imagine my excitement when it finally arrived in the post followed by disappointment and grief when I tried it on and was bombarded with criticism from my parents and laughs from my friends labelling me ‘Ali G’ and ‘Jimmy Savile.’

The fact that I have been told that I look like a dead paedophile DJ has resulted in the heart wrenching decision to send it back. On the positive side it has forced me to brainstorm some other ideas for potential outfits, none of which, I am happy to announce, involve any last minute trips to HiyaHun! or any other tacky fancy dress shops. You’re welcome!

Frida Kahlo

Not exactly a reference to recent pop culture or events, but I decided this lady is worth including anyway. This one is all about the eyebrows and the jewellery. This get up is for you if you are creative, colourful and charming. It’s also ideal for those who enjoy their pre-night out nap and have punctuality issues like me, as you don’t have to endure the eye watering and time consuming task of plucking your eyebrows whilst waiting for your nail polish to dry.

Effort Rating 4/5

Likelihood of someone else turning up in the same gear: 1/5

The Women behind the Mad Men

I think this one would work best as a team effort. Get the girls together and fight amongst yourselves over who gets to be Peggy, Betty and Joan. I suppose you could get your other halves involved to really put on a show but I think a girls night makes a much better statement and is a little less pimps and prostitutes.

Effort Rating: 4/5

Likelihood of someone else turning up in the same gear: 1/5

Katniss Everdeen

I have to confess I’m no Hunger Games fanatic. I was hoping for the film to sweep me off my feet the way that Kill Bill did almost   a decade ago but I was left disappointed by the whole thing. That’s not to say that Katniss isn’t a pretty kick ass character nevertheless and I would definitely give a hearty thumbs up to any woman I saw dressed as her on a night out.

Effort Rating: 3/5

Likelihood of someone else turning up in the same gear: 2.5/5

Princess Merida

Brave has been a hit with the kids this year, offering young girls an alternative to the usual animated princesses who long to be saved by a gorgeous knight, dashing prince or hilarious ogre. With wild fiery hair, an awesome Scottish accent, a love for archery and determination to control her own future, this girl is something special. Don’t leave this costume for the kids!

Effort Rating: 4/5 (unless you’re Rebekah Brooks you’ll have to find the wig.)

Likelihood of someone else turning up in the same gear: 1/5

Female Olympians

What an opportunity to celebrate the achievements of Ennis, Pendleton, Gibbons and Adams. Show your appreciation and sporting enthusiasm by getting  kitted out in your sports gear this Halloween.  Athletic ability and toned body optional. Try to save your giant chocolate coin until the end of the night!

Effort Rating: 3/5

Likelihood of someone else turning up in the same gear: 1/5

Pussy Riot

We’re used to seeing varying sorts of cat on Halloween which is what I think makes this option so poetic. These women have hit the headlines this year after being banged up in prison for standing up for what they believe in. I’ll refrain from getting all political on you and instead will emphasise the ease involved in this costume. All you need is a dress, tights and a brightly coloured bobble hat or tea cosy. Cut three holes in the headgear of your choice and hey presto, you’re ready to riot.

Effort Rating: 1/5

Likelihood of someone else turning up in the same gear: 1/5

Slut Walkers

Stick two fingers up at my pleas to cover up this Halloween and show the men out there that just because you are wearing  something skimpy from a high street sex shop it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to sleep with every guy that leers at you or pinches your goose pimpled butt cheeks.  You can do this by scrawling angry messages on your bare bits or by waving a sign in the air. This is also a good idea if there’s a part of you that still wants to recycle last years costume and save money.

Effort Rating: 1/5

Likelihood of someone else turning up in the same gear: 5/5 *

*but team your outfit with feisty messages and a placard and you have the edge. Belle of the ball.

Lady Gaga

I didn’t really want to end the post with Lady Gaga but for a reason I will explain later, I eventually decided it appropriate. Whether you love her or loathe her there’s no denying that Lady Gaga couldn’t give two shits whether you like her outfit or not. Whilst she often flashes flesh to concerning extremes, she has a way of making guys undecided on whether they want to fuck her or run away from her screaming. The beauty of being Gaga this Halloween is that you don’t actually have to copy every little detail. Be brave, bold and don’t be afraid to make a statement, she’d no doubt offer a nod of approval towards your creativity.

Effort Rating: 5/5

Likelihood of someone else turning up in the same gear: 2/5 – if you opt for an outfit replica. 0/5 if you put the effort in.

The reason I saved Gaga until last is because you could even integrate all the ideas above to make one great big cultured homage to all of your idols. Make a giant fashion cocktail using the best bits of each and see what happens. Team a classic Betty Draper dress with boxing gloves, felt tip pen tattoos and a crossbow. Only make sure to cut bigger holes in your balaclava if you decide on this one, you don’t want your Frida eyebrows to go unnoticed.

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